Create Systems of SUccess
We don’t rise to the level of our expectations. We fall to the level of our training. - Archilochus
When stress is high, especially for sustained bouts of time, our mental and physical capacity to stay sharp, engaged, and alert is limited. And so in effort to conserve energy, our brains revert to automation - we fall back to patterned ways of moving, thinking, and being. This is normal and adaptable for survival but not high performance or optimal well-being and relationship health.
So much of my work with individuals, athletes and non-athletes alike, is centered around their perceived and real difficulties of rising to the occasion. That may be underperforming in clutch moments, becoming overwhelmed in hard moments at work, blowing up at your spouse or child in yet another fight. Because of the automation humans fall back on during stressful times, we tend to repeat the same patterns in different contexts. We deeply desire the ability to handle the challenge differently next time, earnestly hope that we will, and then beat ourselves up for “failing” again. Or for less self-aware individuals, they just bounce from one stressor to the next and hope that they have what it takes to get them through. When we’re lucky, we sometimes tackle these challenges well but that lack of consistency takes a hit on our self-efficacy - the belief in our ability to use our skills and resources to take on the challenge in front of us. So, how do we get out of this negative feedback loop of being faced with a challenge, hoping we have what it takes to make it through, and then sighing out of relief when it does or beating ourselves up when it doesn’t? We need to create systems that lay the foundation for our well-being and high performance.
Foster an environment that nurtures autonomy, agency, mastery, and belonging:
Autonomy: create choice and control over how, what, and when you work on things that are important you
Agency: recognize not everything will be in your control, so redirect your focus to what is and start there
Mastery: have systems for tracking progress and integrating feedback around the skill, relationship, task, challenge, etc. you’re trying to improve. Learn to see yourself - your skills and capacity – as fluid and evolving as opposed to fixed.
Belonging: do you feel like you matter and do you help those around you feel like they matter? If not, figure out what needs to change to bring in this foundational element.
Build in rest and recovery (mental and physical) to your daily routine:
More work is not always better. The work we put into our craft, our relationships, in the things that matter to us needs to be deliberate and this includes prioritizing rest as a key component of that work. Without recovery, our brain or body never has the opportunity to integrate that work in a way that makes us stronger, more efficient.
Master self regulation through deliberate practice and exposure to what makes you uncomfortable:
Accept that tackling challenges or pursuit of worthwhile goals will always come with some friction. Come to terms with where you struggle, what makes you uncomfortable and why. Face that, instead of avoiding it. Plan for how you will tackle roadblocks, internally and externally, and then adjust when needed along the way.
Make your efforts in service to something other than yourself:
Become clear on what’s important to you and why. This will help shape where you spend your time and it directs attention away from success or failure just being about you. What’s the point of your effort to really meet the demands of the moment? This usually is about something much bigger than your own ego. And if it really is just about building up your ego, you’re likely to wind up disappointed in the end, no matter what (more on this in a later post).
Prioritize the basics of your well-being:
Move well, eat well, hydrate well, connect well, and stress well
When we’re not doing these basics, the rest doesn’t really matter.